Finding Purpose in Miscarriage

Miscarriage is something so very common. Yet sadly, many women don’t speak about it. Therefore, often times when someone experiences that devastating loss, they don’t know where to turn, how to process it, or what to do.

It is important to know there is purpose in the life that you lost and any amount of grieving, be it large or small, is perfectly acceptable.

This past Christmas Eve, we were thrilled to learn we were expecting our second baby. Due to a faulty test it took us several days longer than it should have for us to find out we were, in fact, pregnant. We are firm believers in sharing pregnancies early, because we truly believe each life is a gift from God and has a purpose, regardless of the length of that life. Also, as I was wisely counseled by our birth instructor, when you share with those close to you early on, you have more people praying for your baby and pregnancy. That is enough of a reason for me to share. So we joyfully announced our much anticipated news with our families on Christmas.

 

This was the best picture I could get.  Miss Ryan was way too excited to pose for a picture.

This was the best picture I could get. Miss Ryan was way too excited to pose for a picture.

The morning after Christmas I began to bleed heavily and knew I was miscarrying. Our sweet baby was only about 5 weeks gestation. That evening during a family Christmas celebration I was losing the tissue of my baby. I was surprised at how much tissue could be lost with a pregnancy ending so early. I remember feeling that, with each trip to the bathroom, I was flushing away my child.

I decided I wanted to post about our loss on Facebook. For me, this felt like it gave validity to the life I carried for such a short time. That pregnancy, short as it was, was a special blessing to us and we wanted to share it with our friends. I was overwhelmed by how many encouraging messages and comments we received.

Not only did I receive encouragement from mothers that had been through experiences similar to mine, but I also was humbled to be encouraged and supported by mothers who had lost multiple babies, birthed babies that passed away within minutes, and had stillbirths. I felt the need to tell these mommas that I, in no way, was comparing our loss to theirs. Surely, their losses were so much more devastating than what we were experiencing. They were the ones to assure me that a baby is a baby and a life is a life. Losing one, no matter the gestational age, is devastating, and grieving is perfectly acceptable. I still know the pain and grieving can not be compared, but it was such a comfort to have these women to reach out to me.

It is so easy, at least for me, to fall into the thought process that my loss isn’t as important as the losses others have experienced. In the midst of writing this article, I read about a girl I went to school with who is now expecting a baby this winter after years of trying and 2 miscarriages, another lady that just experienced a loss, and a momma with years of infertility and failed pregnancies who is now adopting a sweet baby in need of the love she and her husband can offer. My mind immediately went to the thought that I have no right to write about grieving the loss of a pregnancy. But I feel God has allowed me to find some purpose in this loss, and I want to share it in hopes of possibly easing the pain just a bit for others. I do, however, want to make it clear that I am not comparing an early miscarriage to a late-term loss or stillbirth.  I can’t even begin to imagine that pain.  But I do want to validate the emotions that come with an early loss.

It took me several days to really wrap my mind around what was happening in my body. I could feel the cramping and the passing of tissue, but to really understand the fact I had a child that had gone to be with the Lord was hard to grasp. I wanted to cry, yet I found I wasn’t able to just let go and break down as I wanted and needed to do. Finally, one day in the car the song “Forever Reign” came on the radio. Something about this song struck my heart and the tears began to flow.

I am hardly able to pick out specific lyrics that touched me the most. The entire song is what I needed.
“You are life, You are life.
In you death has lost it’s sting.”
“I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace”
“My heart will sing no other name.
Jesus, Jesus.”

*I will post the full lyrics and a link to the song below.

Throughout the process of grieving and receiving council and encouragement from others. I have been able to see in several ways how this, albeit short but precious life, had purpose.

Joy
The short amount of time in knowing we were expecting again brought us such joy! We had a wonderful Christmas Day with the knowledge there was once again a baby growing inside of me. Miss Ryan became a big sister, and we talked about the baby with her. It was truly a time of joy. That is purpose.

Prayer
I experienced some light bleeding the first several days of that pregnancy. I didn’t experience that the first time, so it was a bit concerning. I was encouraged by our birth instructor that this can be totally normal. The new experience brought my husband and I together in prayer. There’s something very sweet about a man and wife praying together for the life of their unborn baby. That is purpose.

Drawing closer together
This experience of loss drew Ryan and I closer. There were a lot of hugs, tears, prayers, and pouring our hearts out to each other. We would be fine for a few days, and then one of us would need to be tearful again. I was able to lean on my husband through an experience we had never faced before. That is purpose.

Drawing closer to God
I can’t imagine a response other than to draw closer to God in a situation such as this. I needed to lie in bed and cry, and just allow Him to comfort me. I needed to rest in the knowledge that God is directing my steps. He hurts when I hurt, and He can give me a peace that surpasses all understanding. Any experience that causes you to draw nearer to God is purpose.

Helping and encouraging others
Since the loss of our baby, we have had the opportunity to encourage others that are facing the same loss. While this brings up all the old emotions, it is so precious to be reminded of continuing purpose from the short life of our baby.

The bible says “God works all things together for good of those that love Him.” Thankfully God was gracious enough to show us His purpose through this miscarriage.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 NKJV

My husband had the idea to give our baby a name, and I agreed. This gives us something to refer to our baby as other than “the baby we lost”. He did some research, and we decided on the name Addie. Addie in the masculine form means “Adam”, which is about as manly as you can get. In the feminine form, Addie means “ornament”. This seemed appropriate being that it was Christmas. We ordered a Precious Moments angel ornament with her name, the date, and a Bible verse on it. It hangs on a shelf right by our front door.

Our sweet Addie ornament.

Our sweet Addie ornament.

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” 
1 Samual 1:27-28 NIV

Our sweet girl, Miss Ryan, likes to play with Addie every day. She asks for her and is so very gentle. She hugs her, kisses her, and spins in circles with her. This isn’t something we encouraged or showed her; she simply does it on her own. It is quite amazing and heartwarming to see. One day while twirling with Addie, Ryan took her to the window, put her up against the glass, and said, “Addie, daddy mowing”. She went to show Addie that her daddy was mowing the yard. It was a very precious moment, to say the least. At less than two years of age, she seems to have this understanding of the meaning and significance of this ornament.
Moving Forward

We were fortunate enough to be blessed again the following month with the news of another baby on the way. I am currently 28 weeks along with Mr. Lawson Ford. A few weeks ago while talking to a momma that had recently lost her baby, I had a thought. If we had been successful with Addie’s pregnancy, we wouldn’t have Lawson now. Would I go back and not go through the pain and emotions of losing Addie in order to get her back? No I wouldn’t. Would I give up Lawson in order to have Addie? No I wouldn’t. This is the plan God laid out for us. His reasonings are beyond our understanding. He has been gracious enough to reveal to us some purpose through this journey. He wanted Addie with Him in heaven. Who am I to doubt His wisdom.

So we thank God for the lives of our precious children: Ryan, Addie, and Lawson. We are parents of three. What a day it will be when we get to meet our sweet baby Addie in heaven!

If you are a mother who has experienced the loss of a pregnancy, I pray you are able to find some purpose in your miscarriage. I pray for God’s comfort and peace on you and your family.

Forever Reign with lyrics on YouTube

Full lyrics: Forever Reign by Hillsong

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

4 thoughts on “Finding Purpose in Miscarriage

  1. Kiva Page

    You might as well plan on being a published writer along with being an amazing mother, gonna keep tellin you this…..
    Xoxoxo Kiva

    Reply
  2. Pingback: How We Celebrated the Due Date of our Miscarried Baby | Gloryful Life

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