husband

5 Myths of a Submissive Wife

*I could write on this topic all day long.  But these are just a few points that came to mind immediately.  My husband, Ryan, wrote a response to this post. Click here to read.*

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I just saw a video where a female news anchor lost it on air.  LOST IT!  Why did she lose it?  Because Candace Cameron Bure (DJ Tanner from Full House) stated in her new book, Balancing It All, that she has chosen to be a submissive wife.  How dare she?! How dare she when suffragettes fought for women’s votes.  How dare she when women fought for equality in the work place.  How dare she make a decision for her family that follows the Bible.  How dare she make a lifestyle choice that has proven over and over throughout history to work and create happy marriages.  How dare she respect her husband and his authority as the leader of their home.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a husband that does not take (or isn’t allowed to take) responsibility for his family.  I don’t want a husband that doesn’t take ownership in the success of his family.  I don’t want a husband that is okay with his wife controlling every aspect of their marriage and family. I want a leader.  I want someone I can follow.  I want someone I can trust.

"Balancing It All" by Candace Cameron Bure

Balancing It All by Candace Cameron Bure

If you are getting all hot and bothered then you clearly don’t understand the definition in which Mrs. Bure or myself are using the word ‘submissive’.  We, as wives, are called to submit ourselves to our husbands.  (That’s not the end of the scripture, folks.  Keep on reading. ) Our husbands, in return, are to love us like Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR IT.  As you can see below, the scripture in Ephesians also states that “He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hates their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.”

Ephesians 5:22-3 NIV

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

So, as a very proud submissive wife, here is my list of 5 MYTHS OF BEING A SUBMISSIVE WIFE.

1 – My husband controls me.  My husband does not control one thing that I do.  I am a very opinionated woman.  Some would feel sorry for my husband for having to put up with such a strong-willed woman.  However, I do have great respect for my husband, his opinions, and his preferences. 

2 – I live in a dictatorship. Reality: We both make most decisions.  Together. 

I once read a story in Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s book, The Duggars – 20 and Counting, in which Jim Bob shared that he and his wife always make business decisions together.  If she doesn’t feel that it is a good move for them, he will heed that advice.  He goes on to share that only twice did he not consult with his wife before making a big business move.  Those also happen to be the only 2 business ventures made by the Duggar’s that ultimately failed.  

The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

3 – What my husband says goes.  Period.  We make the major choices for our family together. 

This is a silly example but a good one.  When our daughter was born, I wanted to pierce her ears.  (I know there are people reading this cringing at the thought of such.)  My husband, however, thought it was totally unnecessary.  Silly as it may be, this actually became a big issue for us.  I won’t bore you with all the details but this is what it came down to:  He had no actual reasons for not wanting to get her ears pierced except for that fact that he found it unnecessary.  I, however, had a list of reasons of why I wanted it done.  Had he had a conviction as to why it shouldn’t be done, we wouldn’t have gotten them pierced.  The subject would’ve been dropped.  I wanted it done more than he didn’t want it done.  (If that makes any sense at all.)  So, in the end, we made the choice for her to get her ears pierced even though he didn’t want her to.  (And they are adorable!)     

Miss Ryan and Daddy sitting in the chair where the damage was done.  (He's not actually mad people.  It is just a funny picture.)

Miss Ryan and Daddy sitting in the chair where the damage was done. (He’s not actually mad people. It is just a funny picture.)

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The finished product.

4 – I am a poor, weak woman. (Ha!) Yea right. I am stronger because my husband will always be by my side.  I will never be alone.  I know that no matter the situation, my husband and I will stand in unison.  He will always be there with me to fight my battles.  At the same time, he is there to pull me back into reality when I need to be reined in. (Not that that has ever happened!)    

I remember when we were getting ready to move back home to Texas from Missouri.  My mom and I, with the help of my aunt, had less than 2 days to find a place for us to live.  I was in the first trimester of pregnancy with our first child (and super sick), we were in a time crunch, and we were short on funds.  I had just recently paid off all the debt that I had accumulated prior to marriage (Don’t use credit cards people!) but it had not yet reflected on my credit report.  I had proof that everything was paid off and we had no debt but most landlords only care about that credit score.  I was in the position of practically begging someone to rent to us.  We found a wonderful little home that I am convinced the Lord brought us to and an apartment.  The apartment would’ve saved us almost $200 per month, but we really wanted a home with a yard for our doggies.  (Plus the house had a doggie door.  Score!)  $200 per month doesn’t seem like a lot of money except that I was trying to save every penny I could.  It seems a little extreme now but I was stressed and sobbing over trying to make the right decision without my husband there to help me.  (Keep in mind we had some major hormones, sickness, and sleep deprivation at work here.) I NEEDED my husband to step in and tell me what to do.  I needed him to take control of the situation, rescue me, and take over.  Am I a poor, weak woman?  No.  But in that moment, I needed his strength to take care of business.  Thankfully, he did and we are thrilled with our home. (And the dogs are thrilled with the doggie door!)   

5 – My opinion doesn’t count. My opinion counts.  A LOT!  My husband knows better than to disregard my opinion.  He knows that he does not know all and that I have important insight. 

For example, we have been fortunate to never have a car payment.  We said that we would drive our vehicles until the wheels fell off and that we would never have a car payment.  Unfortunately, my husband’s truck went kaput a few months ago.  It would’ve cost more to fix it than it was worth, a lot more.  So, we had to get another vehicle.  We went to the used car dealership to see what they had to offer.  We knew what we were willing to spend and knew what the payments had to be.  There was one car on the lot that fit in to our price range.  Thankfully, it was SUPER nice and looked brand new.  While looking at the car the salesman asked if we would like to take it for a test drive.  Ryan immediately looked at me.  I assured him that I thought it was a great idea.  He loved the car and we made the decision to purchase it that evening.  Later, I asked him about that look he gave me.  He informed me that had I thought it wasn’t a good idea, we would’ve left and gone home right then and there. No questions asked.  He valued my opinion in the matter so much that he actually looked to me to make sure we are in agreement. 

car

The reality of my husband having the final word is extremely rare.  Why? Because we communicate.  We don’t typically need a final word as we end on the same note in most situations.  When at a standstill someone has to make the final decision.  In those rare instances, he does get the final word.  I assure you, this is after he has heard every possible point of view that I have on the matter.  Many times, his mind is changed to my direction.  Others, he feels strongly about his own.  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if he feels strongly enough about a matter to refuse to see it my way, then he must have some conviction.  Why else would he want to bother with the disagreement?    

We are both equally important in our roles within our family, but we each have different responsibilities. 

My Corky Daddy (grandfather) told it best.  He said that when he and my Mama Syd (grandmother) were married they agreed that he would make all the major decisions and she would decide everything else.  In all those years of marriage, not once did they have a major decision to make.  🙂
(For those of your that don’t get it, it was a joke.)